Why do Women Choose the Wrong Man? 2

The absent father creates a whole different set of problems and views. For instance, if my father isn’t or hasn’t been there for me, then how can Father God be there for me? And the same logic as with the abusive father comes into play: Man was created in God’s image, if that is so and man (father) isn’t here for me, then how can God be here for me. It is an error in thinking, but it is common. Additionally, it makes it so much more difficult to have a relationship with a man as an adult when you never had one with a man as a child. What is a father/husband supposed to be like? How am I to relate to this man/husband/father? Should I be a child and him a father figure? Or should I be an independent woman who needs no one? Or, _____________________ . (You fill in the blank)

We have four daughters at home. Three of them have lived a number of years without close contact with their father. Here is how:

My husband and his first wife adopted two daughters. They divorced and he let her be the custodial parent. The ex-wife used the girls as pawns in a big game of control. Then, about 5 years after my husband and I married, we moved to Oklahoma. That ended the every other weekend visitations. So the girls were left with very limited contact with their dad. A couple of months ago the X sent one of the girls to live with us. Then a little later, sent the other. Neither girl knew how to relate to their dad. And, on top of that there is the “biological father” problem in the background.

One of the other daughters is from my second marriage. Her father is not American and doesn’t have any contact with her at all since she was three. Everette and I, my current husband (and best!) have been married for almost 10 years. This daughter would never accept him no matter what he did. Now, Everette loves all of his children so much, both his, mine and ours. Yet for this girl, nothing mattered. All she could do was dwell on the absence of her biological father. This has caused terrible problems for us as a family. She had to be sent out of the home at age 15 and was gone for 2 years. She is home now, just in the last month, too, and is adjusting to family life again.
All three of these girls have spent a lot of time seeking boyfriends. The boys are generally not nice ones, playing mind and emotional games with them and so on. They have chosen bad relationships and jumped from guy to guy. Each gets hurt over and over; each chooses boys that are just as bad or worse than the last. So, in order to enable the girls to heal and learn how to choose better relationships, we have stopped the boyfriend business. That isn’t easy since they are 15, 17 and 17. I don’t know how long we can hold out, but we have explained the necessity of them making a good relationship with their dad so they will know how to have a good relationship with a boyfriend, then husband later. Surprisingly, they agree! And now my husband spends time with each girl individually and as a group. He does this with just them, so there will be no competition for his attentions from me or our little one (She is the only one who has grown up with her dad from birth.)
The relationship one has with the father impacts every other relationship one has with a man, including God! Only God’s saving grace through Jesus Christ can heal and change the way one looks at those earthly relationships. None of this is easy. One thing you can do if you had an absent father and are having problems in your relationships is to sit down, by yourself, and look seriously at how you view God and Jesus. If you find that you kind of see God as far away and inaccessible, then you are transferring your opinion of your natural father to Him. You must realize that unlike your earthly father, God is perfect in every way.
Being saved gives us so much power over evil in our lives, and it enables us to receive the Holy Spirit who will lead us and guide us into all righteousness. Only in that way can we really be free.
God isn’t like your earthly father at all. He is better than any perfect father you could imagine. He loves us and protects us, heals us and comforts us. There is no other like Him. There is no answer but Him. Remember, though, no one comes to the Father except by Jesus.

Part 3 - Verbally, Mentally, Emotionally Abusive Fathers >>